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For years, people have asked Gail Song Bantum and Brian Bantum to reveal the secret to their marriage as a multiracial Christian couple, each with a high-profile ministry calling. This book reveals the lessons, mistakes, and principles that have helped the Bantums navigate race, family history, and gender dynamics in their twenty-plus years of marriage, while inspiring readers to pursue mutual flourishing in their marriages and relationships. Marriage is about more than constant bliss or unending sacrifice, say the Bantums. It's about exploring your own story, seeing the other for who they are (even as they change), and being flexible in discovering how those differences and stories come alive in new ways when joined together. It's the discovery of life in the gaps and the mysteries that emerge when we live in mutuality, believing that fullness is possible for each. Choosing Us reflects the realities and demands of modern marriage and respects the callings and ambitions of both partners. It shows that marriage is about choosing the other's flourishing on a daily basis, amid differences and even systemic obstacles, to build a relationship that thrives and reflects the kingdom of God.
For years, people have asked Gail Song Bantum and Brian Bantum to reveal the secret to their marriage as a multiracial Christian couple, each with a high-profile ministry calling. This book reveals the lessons, mistakes, and principles that have helped the Bantums navigate race, family history, and gender dynamics in their twenty-plus years of marriage, while inspiring readers to pursue mutual flourishing in their marriages and relationships. Marriage is about more than constant bliss or unending sacrifice, say the Bantums. It's about exploring your own story, seeing the other for who they are (even as they change), and being flexible in discovering how those differences and stories come alive in new ways when joined together. It's the discovery of life in the gaps and the mysteries that emerge when we live in mutuality, believing that fullness is possible for each. Choosing Us reflects the realities and demands of modern marriage and respects the callings and ambitions of both partners. It shows that marriage is about choosing the other's flourishing on a daily basis, amid differences and even systemic obstacles, to build a relationship that thrives and reflects the kingdom of God.
Contents
Prologue: Our Why
1. The Plan
2. Learning the Other
3. Race and Belonging
4. It's a Man's World? Gender and Marriage from a Man's
Perspective
5. Glass Bulbs and Rubber Balls: Gender and Marriage from a Woman's
Perspective
6. Our Golden Rule
7. Covenant for Community
Gail Song Bantum is lead pastor at Quest Church and has
created four mentoring groups nationally for women of color
leaders. A nationally known speaker on topics of justice,
leadership, and mentoring, she has spoken at Why Christian?,
Evolving Faith, Christian Community Development Association, and
the Proctor Children's Defense Fund Conference, among others.
Brian Bantum (PhD, Duke University) writes and speaks on the
intersections of identity, race, and gender. He is the Neal F.
and Ila A. Fisher Professor of Theology at Garrett-Evangelical
Theological Seminary, a contributing editor for the Christian
Century, and the author of The Death of Race: Building a New
Christianity in a Racial World and Redeeming Mulatto: A Theology of
Christian Hybridity.
The Bantums have three children and live in Seattle, Washington.
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